A little advice? hopefully honest A little about me...I'm x, intelligent, athletic and in good physical shape, with a very giving personality. About a year ago I caught my ex cheating and ended a five year relationship with her. I stayed away from dating for a while and slowly inched my way back into the pool thinking it was normal to put myself out there again. Now i'm at a stage in my life where I really want to find somebody again. Yet I've always felt that you should be happy with who you are and not look for somebody else to fill that gap. But...At the same time a big part of me, ever since my ex left really, has been hollow and wanting to be filled again with a woman I connect with in the longterm. I miss that feeling of happiness that I at least thought I had in my life at one point and I want it back again, only this time better. I'm having a hard time dividing the "need" for somebody else and the "want" for somebody else. When does one become the other? I've been back and forth over the topic for a while but all I really can tell myself honestly is that I'm lonely living my life without that special somebody again. I've never been the type of guy to look for short term hookups or meaningless flings, and sex and physical connections for me are usually tied to a deeper connection with somebody. So, while it is hard having those needs not met they're not what is really driving me though I suppose they do factor in. I think honestly what I miss is just the sharing of my life with somebody. Having somebody there to depend on and who can depend on me. Somebody I can start building a future with again. I don't know...What do you guys think? Am i "wanting" somebody too much? If I am, when is the right time to start feeling that natural pull to find a relationship? I can't see myself living the rest of my life alone like this so I know at some point in my life I will have to find love again to be truely happy so when is it if not now?

Been there- here's what you do You gotta find that part of you that feels happy with yourself. Sometimes this comes through a job, creating something, achieving something great. Be proud and happy of who you are and what you do. THEN...the right woman shows up. You should have the attitude of "yes, I'd like to have a special someone, but if I don't, I can still be happy with my life." Don't sacrifice yourself or your goals for a woman. EVER. They will leave you eventually. And you'll hate yourself for achieving less than your potential and you'll be worse than when you started. It's not easy, but it's doable. If it gets complicated, date some girls here and there, but don't move in with anyone for the love of God.

My opinion It sounds like you're overthinking things. Now, I hate it too when people tell me that "I think too much"...but that's exactly what you're doing. You're trying too hard to make your life perfect and right. You're trying to hard to intellectualize everything, organize your thoughts, and no doubt you'll end up getting disappointed again. Because life will never conform to your thinking or the way you want and hope to see it. If there's one thing I discovered about life and love and relationships is that they're all completely biological. They just happen. They're messy. They're never perfect. They never go the way you want. You can try as hard as you want to be ready and make your own life perfect, but you're never ready when you suddenly find yourself in love with someone who isn't your type, or when the marriage you have doesn't look or sound like the one your parents had, or when you have children, or when there's an accident, or when your heart wants one thing and when your head wants another. So if you ask me, I say just jump into the game. Just jump in while you're still young, and still desirable, and still have potential, and still have earning power, before you go bald and get fat and before you start hanging out at bars being bitter for feeling left behind. Jump in. Figure it out as you go along.