Shall we confess early too? I confess for all my chatter about not running away to gentrified neighbourhoods where you can ignore other communities' problems, I'm damn tempted to move to a "nicer" neighbourhood. I confess I feel guilty about having the option of moving... there's a woman in public housing that's forced to stay at Jane & Finch with her child despite the gunfire in *her* backyard...

I confess that I am too chicken shit to go up to a woman in my office building and introduce myself to her. I have seen her twice in the halls and twice I chickened out and just said hi. UGH!!!

i have no advice for chickenheartedness but did you see i posted an article for you? it's on page 2. :)

Thank you very much for letting me know that you posted the link. I don't get the chance to come on very often and when I do I usually just follow what is currently happening. Thank you for posting the link. I really appreciate it.

i confess because of an departmental review the office I work in has initiated, my gut is telling me to apply for a different position and one has come up at downtown location that I'm confident I'll get (though it comes with a pay-cut)..I'd average 80kms a week to/from work with option to ride or public transit compared to my 80kms a day commute I do now...hmm, 1 more day to make decision before I apply.

wahoo! go with your gut. like you've been telling me for months - just apply, what have you got to lose? If you don't like the offer you can turn them down. Weren't you thinking of moving downtown anyway?

you're right...and yes....

I confess I came home last night ready for dinner and datenight and instead got THE TALK. "It's not you, baby...it's just...maybe we shouldn't live together." I feel like the pinball in the machine. I'm just bouncing off things today and reeling. Whoa. Equilibrium, what's that? At. Work. Must. Focus. Sometimes I wish I had a job I could just skip when I wasn't up for it.

that's terrible you're right though ... just focus, for now. Take good care of yourself and take some time to let your thoughts settle.

I'm so sorry, CH. that is so incredibly painful. Hugs and strength to you. Hang in there until you can have a good cry.

omg CH. :( So sorry. Being blindsided by The Talk is like getting an emotional sucker-punch.

ch...that is so awful especially when you can't take time for you, to process or have that cry. I'm so sorry.

It's not quits. It's just 'live separately.' I'm trying to figure out if that is the first step of a fade-out or could possibly be workable. It's hard to imagine staying open and vulnerable while 'twice a week sleepovers' turns into 'once a month' and finally...nuthin. Anybody move out but stay together? She's somebody special, we're coming up on x years together, and I'm crazy about her, willing to try anything, but don't want to be an idjit. My judgement clearly stinks, as I'm posting my innermost thougts on the same forum with people trolling for webcam nasties.

meh, trolls are everywhere only more obvious to spot on the web. Just some anecdotal evidence: My Mom and her boyfriend of x years live apart with sleep-overs. They have a great relationship. A woman at work (x+?) and her boyfriend of x years (!) have their own places. They have a great relationship. She says she doesn't have to deal with sports on tv all the time. They see each other cause they want to, not because they have to. Of course no one thing works for everyone, so you'll have to look into your own heart and see what *you* need/want in a relationship. As I get older, I think I might prefer to have my own place. If you asked me that x years ago, I'd have said, "no way."

sometimes time apart helps us see that we truly do value what we thought we did not. This could bring you closer and cement things. I hope it will.

nah...not bad judgement... not with all the great minds and hearts here... I'll just say, don't knock the "live separately" yet. I don't know the why's behind her request, but for us, it's actually working. Without going into a lot of detail, I was the one who requested we live separately for a while. It's helped a lot because she is now able to give me the space I need, and I'm able to give her the extra ntion she needs. Above all, what's worked for us is my complete honesty about what I needed from her. And I poked and prodded until she was completely honest about how she felt about it. We communicate better now than we ever have. I don't hide, she doesn't hide and we talk about everything big or small that is affecting us throughout this time. so I guess to answer your q...it can work. just communicate like crazy. and even if you have to poke and prod, make sure you're both honest about the why and what for through all of this. *h*

i'm sorry CH..... sending this virtually....